How to be queer with Sappho and Plato

Part XXX of the Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers series

[Based on How to be Queer: An Ancient Guide to Sexuality, by Sappho, Plato, and other lovers, translated by Sarah Nooter. Full book series here.]

What is the difference between love and lust? Does the former require the latter? Is the latter inevitably a conduit to the former? From a biological perspective, lust for sex has been ingrained into us by natural selection because otherwise we would likely not bother having sex, which is necessary for the propagation of our genetic lineage.

I mean, think about it: courtship requires time and resources, and it exposes you to attack from predators — at least if you were living in the African savannah. If it weren’t pleasurable, you’d rather take a nap. Or have a snack. But of course nature is not destiny. As evolutionary psychologist Steven Pinker once put it, he decided to spend his life pursuing his career and cultivating friendships rather than having children. And if his genes didn’t like it they could go on and jump into a lake.

The anthropologist Helen Fisher examined research on the issue of the relationship between love and lust and concluded that there is evidence for three phases of love in the human primate: (i) the lust phase, when we are moved by an…