Stoic advice: how do I say “no”?

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M. writes: how does a Stoic say ‘no’? In other words, how can being (or becoming) a Stoic help in becoming more assertive? I’m 54, but still not really assertive. It’s much better than it used to be, but, especially with regard to authoritative and/or older persons, it’s often still a problem (probably has to do with being brought up by a very dominant father) — but often with other people too. The problem is that I want to please people too much, or maybe it’s more correct to say that I don’t want/like to disappoint people. I feel guilty so quickly (it’s the same with my partner: when I tell her this, she then even feels guilty about feeling guilty too quickly).

Here’s an example: several times a year, I’m invited to attend meetings which always take place in the evening, and which last so long that I only come home around midnight (and six hours later, I have to get up again, to go to the office). An extra problem is that the place where these meetings are held is in a remote place (an abbey), which I can only reach by taking two trains (with little time for changing from one train to the other). Furthermore, I live at a remote place myself (and have no car). So going to these meetings is laborious and I risk to miss a connection…