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Stoic advice: My partner is not a Stoic, how do I develop a successful relationship?
D. writes: I’m in the early days of a new relationship and have had so many opportunities to apply the Stoic teachings that the difference between this and my last previous one is a step change. My partner isn’t Stoic or Stoic-inclined, but she very much appreciates the results (she describes it as “maturity”). On my part, I do my best to practice stealth Stoicism. I don’t always manage but the intention is always present.
Often however, what I struggle with is not the restraint part, but the “groaning outwardly” bit. Not for serious things, but for mundane, day to day things. For example: she gets upset by the weather; or because of some workplace unkindness; she stresses a lot about a scheduled covid test, or an upcoming interview. Or she asks whether or not I like that she vapes. Her habit does not upset me, after all her actions are out of my control, but I do have a concern for her health so I don’t “like” it. Then again, no one does wrong knowingly, and I understand why she feels the need to. All of this is a bit difficult to summarize or explain in the moment.
For situations where there’s a practical solution, I’m more than happy to help: I offered to accompany her to her covid test and help with some interview prep. It’s the simple consolations for mundane things that…
